my heart feel so pain right now! i feel like crying. but i don't want. i don't want to be a cry baby. i must be tough. but it's so pain. what can i do? why cant' everything be better? why every nice moments will gone because of a few words? i'm trying to think of the reasons. but i can't. is animal having a better life than human? they don't have to worry about anything except for food and shelter. they can do whatever they want. they don't have care about anyone feelings. they just care about their own feelings. they don't have to worry if someone will get hurt or not if they said something wrong. they don't have feelings. but if they don't have feelings how can they like another female animal? they can go anywhere they want. their parents do not care. not like my parents!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wish i could go anywhere freely. without asking anyone's permission. i wish i could be as far as i can go. i don't want to be here anymore. i don't like this place. how to get out of this place? is this a test from the God or what? i want to be him. but it seems that whatever i do for him is wrong. it's not i want to be protective. i can't help it. i trusted him for 3 times but he make me lose the trust towards him. maybe i'm not supposed to be with him. but i'm supposed to be with him. because he make me feel happy. and sad too. everything doesn't seems right now. i want a relationship that couples don't argue. i'm trying to eliminate everything that will cause us to argue but it won't work. it'll work for a few months. and then, he'll do it back. he will promise me and that. and then, after a while, he'll be giving all kinds of reason to go back to what he wanted at first that i asked him to promise. this is why we'll never stop argue about the same things because he wants it to be that way. i can be happy in front of everyone but deep inside my heart there's a part of it that's bleeding.

my friends tagged me. so i have to tag. will do it soon. soon means when i'm free and in mood to do that =) good night everyone. it's late already.

i hope tomoro will be a much better day than today. i think it'll be. i'll try to smile back as usual. i won't try. i'll do it =] P.S. I Love You my Darling. i hope you understand me better by reading this =]